Thursday, 13 April 2017

Where I've been

I couldn't just not talk about the fact that I haven't been on my blog for well over a month. Its not that I didn't have stuff to write about; I have a whole list of posts that I want to write and it just gets longer with time. My absence was personal. And now I'm going to share the reason and it's kind of a long story so as I said on my previous post; I hope you've brought a couple cookies to munch on while you read this.

Right so introducing the characters in this story..... There's that cute cube of butter you see on my logo and a slighter bigger cube...but uhh...not of butter.... so... peanut butter? Yeah, Peanut Butter.

Okay then, now for the backstory of tiny Butter and Peanut Butter. They were very good friends. Met up at least once a week and Peanut Butter was like the cool older sister. Their parents were also close. But they grew apart. Now they don't talk at all. Once a year, or maybe once every two years Peanut Butter comes to visit. Butter and Peanut Butter talk and get along and share jokes and maybe a meal or two; and then Peanut Butter departs and is never heard from again, until the next year or maybe even the year after that. No texts, no calls, not even an e-mail.

Now obviously this can only go on for so long before I start to hate Peanut's guts. How could she continue to call me her little sister when I don't hear from her for years at a time? How could she come visit me and hug me and look me in the eye and tell me she'd missed me? I've known her for a good fifteen years and not only do we not know each other's favourite colours but its just as if she's forced to come down to visit me. It's that she HAS to visit, and because I'm there...she'll carry on with this facade and so will I because if I don't I'm the kid with no manners and a horrid upbringing. I would much rather prefer that she show up when she has to and completely ignore me aside from the greeting formalities. I don't want her to be fake nice to me. Its not as if I'll hate her if she doesn't continue with it, in fact I would actually be grateful.

So one day she read my blog. I was angry. There's a link to here in my instagram bio. Its not that I don't want strangers on my blog...I love it when people read my blog. But with her, I felt that it was so unfair of her to know what I'm up to and what I'm writing about when I don't know a single thing about her anymore. So I didn't write anything. That's why I had been missing for more than a month.

But I know its ridiculous that I should press pause on my life because lets face it, Peanut Butter is always going to be here a year later on one of her visits. So I decided to put this up so that if she sees this she gets the hint.....but before I could unleash this bitter rant I had to do two things:

1. Find the courage to put this up here:
This post is basically me complaining about someone in my life who has the audacity to call me a little sister one day and then disappear the next day for another couple years.
Every one I know reads my blog and its not easy admitting that to every one. And like I said before, Peanut Butter also reads my blog. And while its easy to sit behind a screen and say what ever mean things you want to on the internet, its real people that this is about. This facade has been going on for more than ten years. Its easy to just go with it instead of facing reality and permanently severing ties. That's a hard pill to swallow. So I needed time and courage to come to terms with this "confrontation" as well.
I say confrontation because I know she will know I'm talking about her when she reads this.

2. I needed a cookie. Or twenty....:
That's why I put up this blog post first.

And this is the end of today's post. I'd say that I hoped you enjoyed it....but this is something that not even I enjoyed writing. Its bitter. And I like dangerous amounts of sugar. But because this was necessary to confront, I had to bear the bitterness.

Have a good day every one!

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